Who (a poem)

I stepped onto a new path,
giving up old dreams and past hopes,
knowing where I had been,
and looking to a brighter day.
I had broken up with who I used to be,
said I'm moving on, growing up, I'm free.
But every time I turned around, she was there again.
I kept changing, I kept moving.
Still she haunted me, and I stalked her.
I clung to memories of who I was,
jealousy lingering over what she had.
But she was rash yet fearful,
a child trying to be an adult,
demanding independence yet devotion.
She thought she had it all,
and so was terrified of losing a fraction of it.
When it was ripped from us,
she grew angry and even more fearful,
but I reached up,
reached out for the guiding hand of God.
When she screamed, I cried,
clinging to the faithful Most High.
And as my renewed friendship with God grew stronger,
I sought to fight against that other me.
But it only made a mess.
So I started over,
gave everything up.
And a new me stepped into the light.
I realized that there will always be a new me and an old me.
So I must seek to be better than the last.
Generations racing through a single life,
A fluid soul driving the mind insane,
Moving and changing until the end of days.
Who will I be before I grow old,
when the mind will break down,
unable to even struggle to catch up?
Who will I be when I die?
Who will take my place when the King returns?
What kind of a person will I be when the people rise?
I pray that I will mirror my Savior:
Faithfulness incarnate.
Joy complete.
Naturalized self-control.
Peace perfected.
Patience fulfilled.
Faultless kindness.
Conclusive goodness.
Wise gentleness.
Love ultimate, pure, infinite.
Tomorrow I will be new again.
So I ask of me:
Not who am I,
but who will I be?

A Million Things

There are a million things I would say to you.
A million little sayings,
a million heart-to-hearts,
a million tears,
a million shared laughs,
a million songs,
a million dances,
a million adventures,
a million moments of silence.
So much I would say,
but you're never around for me to say it all.
So much I want to do with you,
but there is never enough time.
Oh my friend,
I wish eternity were here.
I long for the day we can walk hand in hand
on the streets of gold.
But still I walk here,
still needing to fulfill my purpose.
But the pain here won't leave me be.
A million pins,
a million swords,
a million icicles,
a million dark fires,
a million shadows,
a million fights,
a million lies,
a million sins.
So much that I hide,
glad you're never around to know it all.
So much of me you would see,
yet thankfully wrapped up in your own life to be blind to me.
Oh my friend,
I wish eternity were here.
If only the day would come where all what's wrong melts away
in the light of the life perfected.
So that I would be the best me,
for you, for all.
One day, one day yet,
I may say the million things.
Or be rid of them at last.
I pray that God will grant me the courage,
and a way,
to share a million things.