The Cliff's Edge

Here I am.
The sands of time stretch out before me.
Far below under this rock.
This cliff on which I was begun.
I look out, wishing I didn't have to fly to reach the ocean.
But what else are my wings for?
Then I see him, a great bird on the horizon.
Calling my name,
asking me to fly with him.
How my heart does beat.
How I long to keep this lover of mine.
And yet I also long to fly alone.
To prove to all, even myself, that I need no other.
To hail God's Wind as my only companion.
Why do I fear?
Do I fear a cage?
That this lover of mine shall prove to be no better than the others?
That to resign myself to him
and become yet another nesting bird?
I was made for more.
If he cannot support my wandering heart,
then he should not pursue me.
I will not be a mother.
I will not be so.
I refuse.
All or nothing.
Either I will fly alone,
Or he will fly beside me.
But how do I know that he will support me?
How do I know that he is my future?
Only if he hears my cry and gives his all to me.
Only then will I fly to meet him.
The time draws near.
Either I will fly alone,
Or he will fly beside me.
When I take the dive,
either he will rise to meet me,
or he will fall away like a dream.
When the sun rises,
will I wake to see my days alone and strong?
Or will I wake to see my lover beside me?
Where does my freedom dwell?
If only I did not have to fly to reach the ocean.
I stand on the cliff's edge.

A Thousand Reasons

A thousand reasons, a thousand years,
a thousand turnings, a thousand words.
Hold back, hold back, not yet.
Give only after given.
Sing the song of love only after hearing it.
Is he true? Are you true?
Find the one, the one.
Stay safe, keep your heart for one.
So many reasons, so much advice.
But love is to be learned on its own.
Each in his own time.
No one can be told you will love this way or that.
No one can tell you who you will be.
Do not push, yet do not hide.
A thousand reasons to not tell what is there,
A thousand reasons to stay quiet,
Each one an argument of its own,
But not one of them can stand against truth.
Hide it no more.
Fear not rejection.
Love.
I took that step.
Even after my mistakes,
even after my fears of being abandoned for my past.
But when I said the words,
Immense joy and relief swept over me.
Do not contain what is meant to fly.
When forgiveness and love come,
do not reject it.
Return it.
Reciprocate.
Love.
And you will be set free.
A thousand reasons, a thousand obstacles,
but they cannot stand against
Love.
I have never been more free.




Thanks be to my God and Savior Jesus Christ,
for giving me the strength to love.
You love the whole world,
We love you because you first loved us.
Let me love the one who loves me.
I put my trust in You,
gave You my heart for guidance.
You have released my heart.
I am free in You.
Free to love him.
I am free.

Bleeding Heart

Every time I turn, he is there.
His heart is taken - I know just where.
He gave it to me though I deserve it not.
And indeed not expected in my life's lot.
To hold such devotion from him.
But then I remember and my heart grows grim -
All those I love I have hurt before.
In the future I see I may still hurt him more.
He gave vulnerable to me, which I fear I will betray.
Oh my wandering heart, would you be this way?
Shall he endure against such a flood?
Caress the rose and you will draw blood.
His spark caused my flame that may well destroy.
But I pray that he may become my joy.
Our love has just seen its start.
Would to God that I never break his heart.