Wait For The Perfect Timing

     Several years ago, at a teen group, a girl I didn't know and as far as I could remember had never seen before, walked up to me and handed me a piece of paper. She said, "I felt I should give this to you. I don't know why." Then she walked away and I never saw her again. And I believed God had answered my prayers. But when I opened up the paper and read the poem there, I could hardly believe that it was God's purpose for me. I had no notion that it might come true. But I believe it has. I found him. And I put these words of hope out there for all. Regardless of what you are looking for and what you need, trust in God. When He makes a promise, even if you don't know it was He who made it, He keeps it. Wait on God, and His Perfect Timing will shine in your life.

As I wait, I wish and pray-

Hoping to meet you someday.

Far away seems the time,

When you will hold me,

And be forever mine.

Terribly stretching seems

The wait for you.

Sometimes I pray

You'd just get here soon.

But what if I already know you?

And you I?

And if in the end,

God takes us by surprise?

Suppose there be a day,

When I wake to hear God say,

"My daughter, he is worth the wait.

Don't pursue a certain date

For my timing is perfect and never late.

A closing to a simple rhythm.

But never a close to the purpose

I have in mind.

So patiently await-

And disappointment you will never find.

For my timing is perfect and oh so divine.

It will sweep you off your feet,

And you will never regret,

This time of waiting-

As I see fit to complete."



Wheels of My MInd

The wheels of my mind are in motion,
cogs turn,
the pendulum swings.
The wheels in my mind click on,
think and re-think
round and around
emotion fights with reason,
impulse with logic.
The wheels of my mind are spinning,
I am reeling and dizzy
stress and a thousand thoughts plague me,
sleep is no comfort,
it only brings dreams.
Distractions are my desired companions,
I keep attempting to forget
trying not to think it all over again.
The wheels of my mind churn on.
God grant me decision,
give me peace and resolution.
Fears of the unknown future,
memories of the past,
surround me at every turn.
Pain and Joy dance in tandem,
Fear and Love nod across the room.
The wheels of my mind revolve again,
Savior, hear my cry.
I do not know where to go.
I want peace and joy.
I desire a contented life.
Give me wisdom and understanding,
that I might see the road before me.
Tell me the meaning of the vision,
show me what I must do.
I know my weakness,
I know where I struggle.
Help me to grow
that I might be there for the ones I love.
The wheels of my mind are in motion.
Guide me, Oh Lord,
that I might walk the path You've chosen.
Show me, Oh Lord,
the life I am to live before You bring me home.

Laughter And Happiness

     Robin Williams, one of the greatest comedians the world has ever known, committed suicide yesterday.
     I have read that many, so many, of the comedians did. They lived in the spotlight, "loved" by millions. But according to psychology studies, the "class-clowns" and jokesters in our lives are this way because of a "negative" in his or her childhood. They are funny because they want the reaction. To be positively noticed. That all the hilarity occurs because of something bad in their lives elsewhere leaving them feeling unseen or unloved.
     So to hide it, the "funnies" live in such a way that makes everyone around us smile and laugh. So no one sees the pain inside. I can say that it can be reversed as well. I sometimes use my own laughter as a mask. I will giggle at everything simply to hide my fears, pain, nervousness. I have been trying not to because I want people to see me as I am, but sometimes I still revert back to my "default reaction".
     Don't get me wrong. I love to laugh. Laughter is a medicine and an ice-breaker. Laughter shows people your sense of humor and easy-going nature. It's just that sometimes it is used as a mask. Robin Williams admitted to problems and struggles in his life. He used his wit and humor to find himself a place in this world, and I applaud that. Unfortunately it did not stop his life from ending tragically like so many before him.
     On that point, many people think that I am a silly, fun loving individual. I love to entertain, to make people smile and laugh. Seeing people happy makes me happy. But what if it's because I'm happy to begin with that I try to make others happy? I see happiness as a contagion. I've got it and I can give it away. Why not make others happy? But unlike psychologists and scientists, I understand that happiness sometimes can come from chemicals, but always comes out of choice.
     Why do I say this? Because I know joy. Something much stronger than happiness that arises from the spiritual and not the emotional. My almost constant flow of happiness stems from this. If I could share that joy, and the happiness that comes with it, I would. And I try. It's part of what I live for.
     People tell me that I am an amazing person. I make friends easily, I play hard, work harder at work, and live with abandon. They tell me I am one of the nicest of people. They remember me. I wish I could tell them all, strangers and friends and enemies alike, why I am this. And I have. And I still do. Time and again the story comes out.
     My life is a mess a lot of the time. No matter how hard I try I still make mistakes and not enough gets done in the day. Sometimes I am left feeling completely frazzled and helpless. I get emotional and opinionated about stupid stuff. I am not as smart as I probably should be. Things happen that I can't control and I don't like it. But still I can smile and laugh and love. Why?
     Because I am loved. And I love.
     Plain and simple. I am loved by a God who died for me so I could face the world with innocence and joy. Given the gift of love to reach out to people that no one else would give a second chance to.
     I began as unlovable.
     Now I am redeemed by God Himself. Loved by an incredible family. And met a man who believes himself unlovable by me. He's so wrong on that. I love him so much.
     My joy comes from God Most High. My happiness (and most of my laughter) comes from my joy. Let me spread it around. If people were as happy nearly as much as I am, we'd have a much better world.
     I encourage the comedians and jokesters to keep up their work.
     But I also challenge the rest of us to make sure they don't suffer apart from the laughter. Give them happiness by truly getting to know them and care for them. And maybe, just maybe, there'll be a comedian to rise who finds the joy away from the laughter. And not die unhappy. But die contented, joyful, and Redeemed in Christ who is the giver of pure joy and Love.

Am I Worth It?

a letter.


My lover,
     There was once a time when a knight would choose a lady of the court and would wear something of hers or her family's colors to display his devotion to her during jousting and combat tournaments. And there was a time when a man would build a house for his future family as a young bachelor. If he was rich, he built a mansion. If he was poor he built a small cottage. But the point is not how big or small, lavish or poor the house was. The point is he toiled and labored (or paid laborers) to provide a home for the ones he loved.
     In history men have had to climb mountains and commit deeds of bravery in order to prove themselves men. Nowadays such a thing is almost non-existent. But I recognize a spark of this old determination in you. You expressed the feeling that you were not worthy of me. Then become worthy. I see in you so much potential. Become from the strong young man that I know and love to an amazing man of God that I know you can be.
     You said you wanted the best for me. And out of love for me you told me you wished that I loved another, because you believed yourself nowhere near the best for me. That you wanted better for me. Then become better. Strive to be the best. Make yourself a better man. The man of my dreams.
     If it takes to look upon me as a prize worth fighting for to make you try for me, then do it. Live every day at your best. Study and work hard every day. Keep your life goals in mind every day. And you will grow into a man. They say there are three things that can turn a boy into a man: death, war, or a woman. Let me be that woman. Write my name on your wall and beside it the words, "I will win you." Live every day like a battle. You are a soldier of the Light. Live every day like in a competition. Raise your flag high, knight, lower your visor, and charge into life.
     And maybe, maybe, you will find me waiting for you.
     Maybe I am your prize.
     Am I worth it?
     I know that I will try to be the woman best for you. And if you try to be the man best for me?
     You will only find out if you try.


With sincerest wishes,
Your Treoris.