I walk through a garden, filled with many blooms. Each flower grows in its time and in its beauty. Unique. I make my way down the path, passing by life after life, beauty after beauty. Some draw my eye quickly, some I have to take care not to pass without giving them at least some recognition. Wish I had the many lifetimes' worth to give equal care to all and get to truly appreciate each one. But in my imperfection as a human, I have missed so many along the way. Only the Gardener can see to them all.
But every once in a while, one flower will stand out in my vision, seeming to be right in front of me, capturing my full attention. What is this rarity? I ask myself. Why do I find myself so focused? I worried that I would reach out and touch the fragile petals gracing the heavy stem and possibly ruin the blossom before me. I feared I might hurt myself on the thorns. And then I grew concerned that my attention may be growing too singular, my admiration of this exquisite creation too strong.
I longed to dig up the bloom and take it with me, unlike simply taking a single petal of remembrance to preserve as I have done with a good portion before. Or to become rooted myself and to stay beside that lovely flower. For who was I to know that I would ever come across one like this or better than this unique one? I fearfully kept myself at arm's length, wanting to let myself love and not just appreciate for a time. Only the Gardener would know where my path would lead.
This is not actually about flowers.
This is about my life and my interactions with fellow humans. Recently I had several very emotionally vulnerable moments with someone. I'm extremely grateful God put that person there right when I needed it most. As I heard only an hour or two ago, "It doesn't take very long for you to know you've met someone special." But I've started to question what that role of that person is in my life. Am I only to hold loosely, for my fellow human will most assuredly leave in time and I may never see that face, hear that voice, and enjoy that company and friendship ever again? Or am I free to clasp those hands and hug that person with joy and without hesitation for I have found a friendship I can keep?
This is nothing new. It's just harder this time around because I recognize potential - certain possibilities that were not there with the other friendships I have grown to trust and cherish simply because they are married, in a relationship, or not my type. The struggle, though still there, is far less intense when the possibilities aren't there. Do I have a crush? No. Any time those feelings arise I cut them down. Yes there is the possibility for something more, but I don't want to mess this friendship up by giving control over to something as fickle as feelings that come and go like the clouds in the sky.
But enough about that. My concern is encouraging a friendship that won't last. A people person I may be, extroverted tendencies I may have, but the fact of the matter is I am so insecure, so unsure. I need God's guiding hand more and more every day.
But every once in a while, one flower will stand out in my vision, seeming to be right in front of me, capturing my full attention. What is this rarity? I ask myself. Why do I find myself so focused? I worried that I would reach out and touch the fragile petals gracing the heavy stem and possibly ruin the blossom before me. I feared I might hurt myself on the thorns. And then I grew concerned that my attention may be growing too singular, my admiration of this exquisite creation too strong.
I longed to dig up the bloom and take it with me, unlike simply taking a single petal of remembrance to preserve as I have done with a good portion before. Or to become rooted myself and to stay beside that lovely flower. For who was I to know that I would ever come across one like this or better than this unique one? I fearfully kept myself at arm's length, wanting to let myself love and not just appreciate for a time. Only the Gardener would know where my path would lead.
This is not actually about flowers.
This is about my life and my interactions with fellow humans. Recently I had several very emotionally vulnerable moments with someone. I'm extremely grateful God put that person there right when I needed it most. As I heard only an hour or two ago, "It doesn't take very long for you to know you've met someone special." But I've started to question what that role of that person is in my life. Am I only to hold loosely, for my fellow human will most assuredly leave in time and I may never see that face, hear that voice, and enjoy that company and friendship ever again? Or am I free to clasp those hands and hug that person with joy and without hesitation for I have found a friendship I can keep?
This is nothing new. It's just harder this time around because I recognize potential - certain possibilities that were not there with the other friendships I have grown to trust and cherish simply because they are married, in a relationship, or not my type. The struggle, though still there, is far less intense when the possibilities aren't there. Do I have a crush? No. Any time those feelings arise I cut them down. Yes there is the possibility for something more, but I don't want to mess this friendship up by giving control over to something as fickle as feelings that come and go like the clouds in the sky.
But enough about that. My concern is encouraging a friendship that won't last. A people person I may be, extroverted tendencies I may have, but the fact of the matter is I am so insecure, so unsure. I need God's guiding hand more and more every day.