Need (A Poem)

I believed I needed someone.
Longed for someone to fall asleep beside at night.
Wished for someone to forgive my past.
Prayed for somebody to be there to hold me when I am too weak to hide my pain.
I believed I needed someone.

I knew I needed to be selfless.
Longed for the day I would stop taking.
Wished for the day I could give everything without needing.
Prayed for a time I would be closer to perfection and serve everyone with endless joy.
I knew I needed to be selfless.

Conflict. Irony.
Paradox. Inconsistency.
My need for more of another, my need for less of me.
My weaknesses battling for control.
Would these two ever be in harmony?

I justified my needs.
Told myself that if I had someone I would focus less on me.
Told myself that if someone would let me be weak I would be stronger.
Told myself that if I gave I would be given to.
I justified my needs.
Said that if I served someone might serve me.
Said that if I wasn't alone I would stop being hurt and hurting others.
Said that if I showed change I would be forgiven.
I justified my needs.

But it wasn't enough.
I dropped my standard.
Gave up on perfection.
Depended too much on someone just as selfish as myself.
Over and over again.

But Perfection found me.
Picked me up, held me close.
Forgave me, told me to forget the past.
Promised me it wasn't weak to show my pain.
Perfection found me.
Gave me a life full of never ending joy.
Told me to go and sin no more.
Showed me the love that endures forever.
Perfection found me.

He was enough.
My God who lives.
He is Perfection itself, and still loves me in all my imperfections.
Beyond my weakness and selfish desire, He is enough.
The Lord of All is everything I need.