Dancing From the Floor (a note of encouragement)

     I've started developing my own choreography to songs and, not being athletic, some of the hardest movements are the highest or the lowest. And having sensitive skin, I have a hard time when anything but my [covered] feet are on the floor.
     But there's a very good feeling when I'm stretching my whole body out on the floor, then sitting up and tucking my small feet underneath me as I move my arms and spread out my fingers to the sky. I guess you could compare it to a cat stretching. But for me, it's more of a sensation of smallness and vulnerability. Kneeling in older culture is a sign of submission (or respect, depending on the position and culture) and raising your arms up high is often a sign of freedom (or worship of God). So it is leaving yourself open.
     Then I curl my arms in or simply drop them to my lap and bow my head, closing my eyes. A symbol of rest, or peace.
     Dancing from the floor. An exercise in and of itself, but also an artistic expression. And for those without legs, a very appropriate way to dance. Generally listed under "freestyle" and often combined with other dance steps (because yes you can do a lot with your arms but people usually want to see more), I would offer to say that everyone should try it. It is a challenge yes, but I could argue easier to do if you're not worried about "stepping in time" to music. And when done to worship music, dancing from the floor is a graceful and beautiful way to do more than sing to God.
     So often in the American culture I live in, our proud and independent spirits refuse to bend, bow, or kneel. I am no less than anyone else, is the running thought. I am just as important. I am special. We rebel against the thought of being brought to our knees.
     But the strange thing is that those of us who have fallen down have a better understanding of when to stand and when to kneel. When to be firm and when to get down. When to speak and when to be silent. For we understand vulnerability. We understand weakness and strength. Tasted betrayal, heartbreak, loss. Our empathy for the hurting and the wanderers is greater than before we were brought down. But we also must rise again.
     That time comes and goes. Just remember, dear reader, that when there is no lower place to go, you can still dance from the floor.

A Thousand Times Over

     Not a day goes by that I don't think of the one that I once upon a time dared to call mine. As it is with my gift, I see into someone when I am most vulnerable - held. Over and over I sought his arms, received his hugs, felt his gentle but strong embrace, or clasped our hands together. Over and over when I least expected to, I was looking into him. And I saw something wondrous, but so very normal.
     A soul. The average human soul. The good and the bad. His faults, his weaknesses, his strengths, his beautiful inner qualities. I saw a human - broken, but seeking healing; bright, but foolish; so much experience, so very young. God allowed me to see his potential for good or evil - to stay on the path of pursuing God or to turn to his own corruption and hurt others before his own demise.
     And God said to me, "he is worth it. Just as you are worth it. I died for you and him. My Blood was shed for the world. Love him." So I did. I gave. I gave time, attention, effort, devotion, care, and trust to the man who claimed to love me. He promised he would always be there for me and would love me long after I was gone. In asking me to marry him, he promised that he would take care of me.
     I was betrayed.
     One day, he ended our relationship. And shortly after that, refused to speak to me again. Cut off all ties to me. I was devastated, left broken, feeling unwanted, unloved, and worthless. All the plans for "our" future down the drain. My looking forward to raising a family with him and us growing old together brought to dust. My dream of spending the rest of my days by the side of a young man who was my constant excitement (in so many different ways) and the one who I wished was my best friend (too late), shattered.
     I was his attraction, his crush, his girl, his bride-to-be. Until I was so lost in serving and loving him that I put aside everything else, including my relationship with God. I forgot my purpose. And then when my time of serving my love was over, I could not let go. I kept trying to hold onto a man who was not as committed as I. He would not make the sacrifice that is required for any good relationship to continue.
     And I refused to let go. Told the world I had "moved on" like that was the magic thing to do. But the harder I tried to move on, the harder I tried to forget, the worse I became. I returned to God and kept my passion for seeking His face alone. And as I did so, the pain did not go away, but rather became productive. A few faults and weaknesses of mine were being burned away. I was being refined. I slipped and sinned a couple of times but was reminded again just how merciful and forgiving God is. And the fire burned brighter.
     The pain, suffered spiritually and emotionally, took its toll on my body, but that was easier to hide than the rest. The pain became almost unbearable from time to time, but I would lift my hurting and problems and prayers up, and in return was given peace and strength for another day. A thousand times I cried over the loss of my love, a thousand times became angry over the betrayal, a thousand times was moved to forgive him, a thousand times attempted to forget him, a thousand times I prayed for his growth as a human and as a man of God, a thousand times I prayed for his well-being and safety. God does not like to see any one of us hurting, but because of the world we live in, we often must. Burning away the sinful nature is a painful process, but it must be done in order for God's light to shine. At least the answer is simple: He is the Flame, the Consuming Fire.
     And if I was given a thousand chances to relive my life a different way, I would live it as I did. Mistakes and everything. Because God is Sovereign. Who am I to question His Design from all of it? I am but a vessel. It was in God's plan for me to love. There was purpose there. And though I received pain because of it, I also learned a deeper level of God's love for us all.
     A thousand times over I would make the sacrifice of risking so much to give to another. A thousand times over I would still not try to pursue a man already gone because my time with him was over. A thousand times over I would forgive, but not forget. A thousand times over I would let God work through me. I am but a vessel. A human with baggage, but forgiven baggage. Living for the honour of serving God for His glory.

The Rainbow

The rainbow.
A strange phenomena of creation.
A promise.
"Never again."
Never again would God flood the Earth to destroy all of those who laughed in His face.
Never again would the waters of the deep rise above all land across the globe.
A promise.
A merciful promise.
But also a reminder.
The wrath of God is real.
You don't want God as your enemy.
What were they doing back then? What was it that was so horrible that He had to destroy them all apart from one family? Humans.
Liars.
Thieves.
Rapists.
Adulterers.
Swindlers.
Humans claiming they came in love.
But only looking out for themselves.
Following any and every desire, lust, and craving.
Pursuing everything that made them "feel good."
Huh.
Sounds like every age across history.
God allowed a nation, a people, to live as they chose.
Then when He sent some to tell them of their wrong and they laughed...
Yes, there were the Jews, but...
The Nazis?
They were vanquished.
The old Chinese empires?
They were destroyed.
The nations of Europe?
They were conquered.
The Romans?
They were attacked by plague and war.
The wrath of God is real.
You don't want God as your enemy.
But he always gave a way out.
He warned everyone, then saved a few.
The few who were, or became, faithful.
The few who made sure to not focus on themselves.
Who lived as servants, helping people.
Who told about the mercy of God.
And His promises.
Promises like the rainbow.
But now?
Now a new people have arisen.
Yet they are not any different than the past.
They still live for feeling.
The one difference is they carry the rainbow as an emblem of freedom, unity, and love.
Careful, oh people.
Careful.
You are still loved.
But do not be so foolish as to take a symbol from God and make it your own.
You are still precious humans as I.
But do not call me a hater.
When you laugh in my face,
When you point at those of us who say what you are doing is wrong,
You are laughing in the face of God's ambassador to you.
The time of the Flood is no more,
But the time of Fire is still to come.
Careful.
The wrath of God is real.
Hear my cry.
I beg you.
Turn back, oh New Nineveh.
You don't want God as your enemy.