April 16, 1813.
Dearest Kitty,
Joy of all happy moments! What a man, what a man Matthias! He tells me we are just friends, and what does he do but the next week appear again to dazzle this girl with his handsome face and mannerisms! To leave the shop and walk among the gardens again. I admit it Kitty, I was so infatuated with him because of his surprise affection that I took his hand as we walked. I am embarrassed to speak of it now of course, but foolish as I was I had no thought of who might be watching as we went along.
Oh Kitty I must be in love. How else to explain my behavior? My listening to him speak, holding his warm and gentle hand - a little bony too, but are not most hands? - just absorbing all of him with me eyes. Oh Kitty Kitty what has happened to me? I am in ecstasy.
Am I like a pup with an adopted mother to think this way? All day long I think of him. Matthias. Oh how I long to call him mine. Might it happen one day? Oh that such a man might one day call me his woman?
And then I think of what you would say to me. I know my dear. I am a foolish woman. Oh you would not say that, of course. But it is foolish of me to hope to ever love this man. And what if Mother and Father find out? It would all be doomed. But don't you see Kitty? That's the excitement of it! It is my big secret. The worry of being found out mixes with my happiness every time someone speaks his name. Oh the emotions of my day swing so!
Not to mention that it all has happened so fast! To think, that only a few short months ago we had met! I know, I know Kitty. There are no faeri stories in life. Eventually I will be found out. But still! The excitement! The thrill! These are days I shall never forget, though they fly by.
And who knows? I just might get that happy ending. I do not see it, not with the trouble I would be in, how that could at all be possible. I walk the edge of a knife. And still I battle myself how I am to win his soul. But oh the pure pleasure to receive attentions from this man. Things cannot go on like this forever, I know. But how I wish they would.
Annabelle
Dearest Kitty,
Joy of all happy moments! What a man, what a man Matthias! He tells me we are just friends, and what does he do but the next week appear again to dazzle this girl with his handsome face and mannerisms! To leave the shop and walk among the gardens again. I admit it Kitty, I was so infatuated with him because of his surprise affection that I took his hand as we walked. I am embarrassed to speak of it now of course, but foolish as I was I had no thought of who might be watching as we went along.
Oh Kitty I must be in love. How else to explain my behavior? My listening to him speak, holding his warm and gentle hand - a little bony too, but are not most hands? - just absorbing all of him with me eyes. Oh Kitty Kitty what has happened to me? I am in ecstasy.
Am I like a pup with an adopted mother to think this way? All day long I think of him. Matthias. Oh how I long to call him mine. Might it happen one day? Oh that such a man might one day call me his woman?
And then I think of what you would say to me. I know my dear. I am a foolish woman. Oh you would not say that, of course. But it is foolish of me to hope to ever love this man. And what if Mother and Father find out? It would all be doomed. But don't you see Kitty? That's the excitement of it! It is my big secret. The worry of being found out mixes with my happiness every time someone speaks his name. Oh the emotions of my day swing so!
Not to mention that it all has happened so fast! To think, that only a few short months ago we had met! I know, I know Kitty. There are no faeri stories in life. Eventually I will be found out. But still! The excitement! The thrill! These are days I shall never forget, though they fly by.
And who knows? I just might get that happy ending. I do not see it, not with the trouble I would be in, how that could at all be possible. I walk the edge of a knife. And still I battle myself how I am to win his soul. But oh the pure pleasure to receive attentions from this man. Things cannot go on like this forever, I know. But how I wish they would.
Annabelle
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