Imaginary

     I've been caught up in the crud of the world as of late. Reality surrounds me with darkness, pain, loss, anger, hatred, fear, screams, depression, agony...on and on it goes: the mundane, laborious work of keeping a "normal" life but a deception, an attempt to blind me of every important detail and precious soul on this earth; the complexity of relationships and interactions with fellow humans causing stress and overwhelming me so that I cannot focus on simply living.
     Then why is it looked down upon to escape? To disappear into fantastical worlds only of imagining? To drown the pain and the noise with dreams of exploring untouched space or making friends with bizarre creatures? Why are children allowed to pretend and we adults are thought odd if we do the same?
     Is it because we "have no time"? Or perhaps we think of the idea that a fairytale's function is to entertain and/or teach a lesson to a small child? If that's so, ought we not write some for adults? To show them the wonder and beauty of exploration and discovery of the inner workings of humans' minds and lives once again?
     Take for example the classic story: young man meets young woman (or simply hears of her) and then a "bad guy" steals away the young woman (or threatens her), and young man does whatever to rescue young woman and defeat (usually by killing) bad guy, and thus winning young woman's heart. Do we adults turn from this idea because we believe that a "happily-ever-after" is next to impossible to achieve - or even disbelieve in the idea at all?
     Or how about the coming-of-age story, where a young man or woman sets out to prove his or herself, conquering hurdles, learning lessons, gaining friends? The adventure tale? And yet so many of the stories for adults today focus on the sexual and the power-seeking, the illogical pointless humor and the soap opera, the horrific nightmare and the battle.
     What did we lose? What is missing, that we go about day to day going to work, coming home, and watching a film that does nothing to grow you because it simply amuses, or reading a book that gives you a mental and emotional thrill but never moves you to be better or do better, never teaches you or inspires you?
     So what if I'm a little crazy and enjoy the fantastical worlds that even children know and love? In every fairy story there is an element of reality. I am not as far away as you think. I have not lost my mind, I am growing it. Shaping my understanding of the real world, by using the creative gift God has given me, and seeing the worlds others have made with the same gift. Within dreams, dreams come true. From ideas, more are born. You may not understand that the mouse I speak to, talks back and instructs me to fight with honor. You might not get that one moon another galaxy away is a base for the meetings of universal guardians who do not obey the rules of politics. That's okay.
     It's how I deal with even crazier reality.

My Oath

     Today, September 27th, 2015, I put down the words that I have been forming since spring. And words I plan to also back up with action in six months' time by cutting the hair which I have dutifully grown out and am giving it away.
     A little over a year ago I had made a promise to marry someone. In the spring I lost him. Today, after some time grieving the loss of the human I loved, I have gathered what I have learned and now understand the true nature of loving another. But I also understand another part of my God.
     I understand that I have a gift related to touch. When I allow contact with a fellow human, I am given a glimpse into their soul. This has happened numerous times and in different ways.
     I also understand that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit as I have surrendered my soul to God. I am not my own. I was bought with the blood of Jesus. My life is to serve the Most High.
     And I understand now that when I touch others, whether in word or deed, with the Spirit guiding me, they too are touched. For as an ambassador of God and a temple of the Spirit, when people are with me when I am filled with HIS presence, they stand in the presence of God.
     Yes, I am a frail human being like everyone else. I mess up, I make terrible mistakes, and I often do as I don't wish to do. However, when I declare God in charge of my life, He takes over. His work on mankind is constant and mysterious to the point that even I, but a humble little vessel, cannot see. I am only to obey to glorify the Maker.
     And this is my oath:
     I know who is my King. I know who is my Friend. I know who gives me life. I know who is my Redeemer.
     I know the I AM who taught me who I am. To whom I now give all I am back.
     I release everything that I have kept inside of me - my anger, my pain, and my lonliness. I hand over my constant need to know why, my desire to keep what does not belong to me as I am not my own, and my inability to forgive those who betray me and therefore they betray the God who I am charged to represent.
     I understand that nothing happens to me that my Lord God does not know about. I understand that I am where I am today because God knows where I am needed - where He can touch others best through me.
     I do not know the details of the road ahead, but I am certain that it is the path that God has laid out for me before I was even formed in my mother's womb.
     And this do I promise: One Lord. One faith. One destiny. One King. One Protector. One true Friend.
     I take on the lightest, and yet the hardest, burden of being a servant of God and imitator of Jesus.
     And as the locks of hair fall from my head, they represent the chains that I myself built around me to tie me down. They represent the enemies that this world throws at me. And as my Savior takes my hand and pulls me above the crashing waves over and over again...
     They shall weigh me down no more.
     In God's Name,
     Amen.

Consuming Fire - part 3 - Wrath

I was renewed. I was inflamed.
I burned with passion.
But I strayed.
I took it too far.
Turned away from the Consuming Fire,
Toward a fellow human being.
Idolized another.
Then he was taken from me.
I was filled with anger. I was filled with rage.
My passion turned into fury over my betrayal.
How could he walk away?
When I had promised to serve him and love him?
How dare he?
Did he not understand I was a Child of the Fire?
Chosen? Beloved?
Did he not understand what he did to me, he did to the Consuming Fire?
And in the end of days he would have to account for every tear he caused me?
And then I understood:
When I looked at my life, I was looking at a reflection.
Mirroring the wrath of the Fire.
At last I understood His jealousy when we stray.
At last I knew Him when His wrath was turned towards us.
How dare we turn from Him?
When He does everything for us,
Even laying His own life down?
How could we?
How dare we idolize anyone else?
When He saved us and made us new?
How could we?
The fire within me burned bright, hot, yet heavy.
I grew wings of fury,
Declaring condemnation on all.
None deserve to live.
All have sinned.
Burn them.
End the misery.
And then I stopped.
I bowed my head and prayed for release.
I have not the power to rain down condemnation.
I am not the one to judge.
That is the task of the Consuming Fire, not mine.
He is both of wrath and justice.
But he is also of mercy and grace.
That is the sign of holiness.
Things that which seem to conflict, dwell side by side in Him.
He balances them, knowing which to give when.
I understood that I follow a Holy Fire.
Perfect. Sovereign.
We are dirty, destructive, deceitful.
But still He loves.
We deserve death.
His justice, His wrath calls for it when we stray.
But because He loves, He made a way for us.
His passion led to His glorious answer:
He died to fulfill justice, but allow mercy.
Died for us.
So we could burn away the dark.
So we could follow Him.
So we could pursue Him.
The Almighty Consuming Fire.