Prayers Unspoken

God of ancient Mystery
Lord of the Oldest Magic
Your eyes see beyond space and time
The great expanse cannot hold you
Yet you can dwell in the smallest of souls
Your Spirit cannot be bound
You come and go where You please
None can predict Your path
Unless You will it so
You shine in the darkest of places
You show Your hand in the worst of times
Your smile adorns the faces of the unworthy
You speak even when no one listens
And You answer prayers unspoken

Creator, Sustainer
The very breath I breathe is Yours
You never rest, ever watching
You sing over us as we sleep
Waiting the day You call us Home
You take every bad choice and twisted event
And work it into Your plan
Ever faithful, even when we fail
Ever whispering, even when we turn away
You hear the thoughts of people
Before they even think
You hear their voices
Before they can even speak
You see a breaking heart
And know what that one needs
You hear a bleeding soul
And know what to give them
Before they even ask

I failed You Lord
I made a choice
I turned from You
To pursue my own way
And yet You were there, waiting
You knew what I would do
And still You did not abandon me
Who am I to be given yet another chance
When others are only given one
Perhaps in Your plan
You knew this day would come
Even as life within me pulses
Life of questioned beginnings
You see what is yet to come
And You call it blessed

Had I been told long ago
This day would come
I would have laughed
"That is not for me"
But You saw it coming
So You made a plan to turn it around
Make it good
Make something beautiful grow from a mess
As the Phoenix rose from the Ashes of Humanity
2000 years ago
You saw the choice I would make yet said
"I Forgive"
So I could stand before You
Yet still I fall to my knees
Because I acknowledge who You Are

The smallest of yells
The loudest of whispers
The cries of joy of the animals
The forming of the earth
You are there
In the snowflakes and the magma
In the leaves and the stars
In the wind and the waves
In the ocean and the sky
You are there
And when I am breaking
You are there
You wrap me up
In an indescribable embrace
You speak with several voices
Yet Your Will is One

How could I have chosen myself over You
You who made the mouths of Humans
Who dare to utter words against You
Perhaps because I am yet Human too
So why did You create Humanity
If You knew this would be so
Perhaps because You knew
About me
And that I would need You
That I would need Someone
To answer prayers unspoken

Did ya miss me?

     Hello Reader. It's been awhile since I've written here.
     Life has changed so much since my last post, and especially in this past year.
     I am newly married (a story I plan to share with you soon) and growing a miracle inside myself (having a baby ya'll!), currently dealing with the whole Coronavirus pandemic, and the election nastiness (I'll say nothing more on that!), and the protests, and man this year is a mixed bag for me.
     But to focus on the good - at least in my little space, my little piece of life.
     When I turn my eyes away from everything going on outside (yes, I am one of the lucky ones who can afford staying at home during this pandemic), and look in the mirror, I see someone who has so much to be thankful for and happy about.
     I am safe. I am healthy. I have a great place with fantastic rent. I have no want for comforts. I can eat whatever I want (for the most part) whenever I want. I have a lot of things to occupy my time. I've got it good. This isn't me trying to brag, this is me being so grateful for what I have.
     My husband (eeee! That word!) is a fantastic, kind, caring, funny man who kisses me lovingly before heading to work every day (and yes he's staying safe too). He takes me and my craziness in stride, accepts me for who I am and loves me in spite of me. We look forward to finally meeting our kid and grow our family.
     It's when I look at Facebook and the world outside that I get overwhelmed, upset and depressed. But within the walls of my home, life is good. Sure, I don't have the social life I had before. Yes, my husband and I don't go out dancing currently (believe you me we will again someday!). Yeah, it's hard to stay in contact with friends (mostly that's on me - I'm terrible with long distance). But I have hope that one day I can step out and go have brunch or dessert with friends (old and new!), talking about the days before and spouses and kids and what lies ahead.
     I'll say that though being an adult is hard and rough and frustrating, there is much to enjoy. I've wanted to be a wife and a mother for a long time, but I didn't think it would be the way it is. But I am so glad the way things have turned out. It may not be how anyone planned it, and I am certainly not the woman my parents wanted me to be, but I could not be happier.
     I think this is where I'll leave it for now, but I'm glad to have written again. Hope to put more down in the near future so I can see you again soon!

A Prayer in a Restless Time

August 23

Shifting.
Restless.
A depression that brings me to my knees.
O God, I cannot see.
O Lord, I have no peace.
I need you here, my Love of Loves.
Humanity has left me empty,
life leaving me wanting more.
My job is unfulfilling,
my home undesirable.
An ache within goes unanswered,
the stirring unheeded.
Lord are you telling me to move?
Then show me the door you want me to go through.
My pacing only distresses me further.
I need a guiding hand,
so here I am.
Lord hear me from my knees.
Hear the voice that cannot utter.
Holy Spirit, rise in me once more.
Move me.
Set me free to dance in your joy.
Remind me the words etched in my skin,
the scar that declares
"for I know who holds tomorrow."
My life, my journey,
is in your hands.
Where do you want me to be?







Note:
This prayer poem was written about two weeks before I lost my job. I knew things were coming to a close but I didn't know when. 
But I act in faith. God is faithful to provide. I am secure in whatever he has in store for me.